The Effects of Mouth Cancer on the Human Psyche

My friend found out five years ago that he had mouth cancer and was absolutely devastated. Doctors were able to treat it and he survived, but the after-effects were absolutely horrible. I asked him the other day how he was doing with his situation, and he told me that the hardest part to deal with is not physical, but psychological.

He was a baseball player throughout high school and college, and had chewed tobacco since his freshman year of high school. Of course, this was illegal, and he would not do it around the coaches, but he did it whenever he was out of school and whenever we were playing pick-up games. He saw all of his heroes doing it and he wanted to do it as well. He never imagined that he would develop mouth cancer as a result of his chewing-tobacco use.

After he received treatment for the mouth cancer and was pretty much ruled to be in the clear, he underwent reconstructive surgery to his jaw and cheek. The effects of the mouth cancer were devastating, and when I was finally allowed to see him, I could hardly recognize my once happy-go-lucky-friend Darryl, and now saw something that did not come close to resembling him. I think the hardest part for me to watch was when he first looked into a mirror. He stared at himself for several seconds, and then closed his eyes and shook his head. "I look like a freak," he said.

After a few years, he was able to go back out into public and not feel embarrassed and ashamed. He said it is still very difficult for him, because everybody does stare. He really only feels comfortable in our own neighborhood, but even that was difficult for him for the longest time, as everybody wanted to know what had happened.

He told me that the hardest part about the mouth cancer was not the physical pain he endured during treatment or surgery, but the psychological pain he endured as a result of his appearance. He used to be a regular lady's man and never had trouble finding a date on Saturday night. He told me that the reactions he gets from most women now is one of three - pity, shock or stifled laughter.

I have talked to him hundreds of times about his mouth cancer. I have tried to reassure him that it is what's on the inside that counts, and not a person's appearance, but that is easy for me to say, and it only does so much good. He lives by himself, he rarely goes out and has absolutely no confidence with women. It is sad to see what mouth cancer has done to my friend.